I watched the civilization of the Planet come apart and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it.
It was a blue, pretty world. With oceans and continents and life forms all over. It had a technological civilization, about the equal of Earth in the 1940s.
I watched their large cities burn.
Multiple star systems are common. Stars have large gravity. It makes them sticky. And stars love to stick to other things that are sticky. Like Stars.
But a class M planet in a multiple star system was very rare indeed.
These people had three suns in their sky. One of them was a blue giant some distance way. It didn't provide a lot of heat but it provided light.
The next star was red dwarf almost on top of them.
The red dwarf and the class M planet orbited a calm yellow dwarf.
The yellow dwarf star orbited the blue giant every five thousand years or so.
We could hear radio stations in the various cities, communicating before they lost electricity, or were damaged by rioters.
Apparently, the end of the world was foretold in their holy writings.
When the Suns ate each other until there were none left, the darkness would fall.
They'd orbited just right where all three stars were in a line. The yellow dwarf blocked the red dwarf and the blue giant from view.
They'd had night time and darkness before, but now the yellow sun had eaten the other two and that was the sign foretold of the coming of doomsday.
So an entire planetary population panicked, and ran around destroying everything, trying to rid themselves of everything not approved of in their scripture before God came back and caught them with it.
I sat in the center seat of the Starship Discovery ran it through once again. Was there anything we could do? Not and uphold the prime directive.
Was there some way we could trick them without revealing ourselves? Maybe a giant Mirror to reflect one of their missing suns where they could see it? Not with the time and materials at hand. I could have done it in a month with the crew's help.
Radio reporters were describing scenes of horror. Rioters were killing those suspected of holding heretical beliefs.
Suddenly I was clenched up and tears welled up in my eyes. I was screaming inside. "WHY!? WHY!? WHY SHOW ME THIS AND NOT LET ME *DO* ANYTHING!!!"
I bit it back. I hated it. I hated everything. Apparently I was fated to be a destroyer, not a rescuer.
I couldn't stand the thought and I couldn't distance myself from the people dying below me. Children, Mothers, Lovers, Parents were dying. Or killing.
I got up. I managed "Carlos, you have the bridge" hoarsely, and walked back towards the turbo lift. I was coming unglued and that was dangerous on the bridge.
As I got up to the turbolift, my tears were flowing freely. It opened. Gensilan the Aneilog was there.
I stood there grimacing trying to control myself.
She looked at me, seeming to see my soul.
An uncomfortable moment passed. I didn't want to be near a telepath, but I couldn't just wait for the next car.
I stepped in "Deck Six" my voice only quavered a little.
The turbo lift doors slid shut and the lift started to move.
"Turbolift, hold." Gensilan said. Her voice held a lilting accent.
I breathed deeply trying to recover.
"You're not all right." She said.
"An entire planet is killing itself down there." I said it harshly. "No, I am not all right."
She looked at me. "That's not all there is to it."
I felt a sob well up. "How much more does there need to be?!"
She touched my shoulder. "You're okay here. It's just us." She sounded comforting.
I started crying. "Damnit."
She turned me to face her. ** Tell me,** her voice feathered across my mind.
I couldn't hold it. I began bawling like a baby. I sat down on the floor of the turbolift.
She slid right down with me.
"I killed them. I killed them all." I said.
"Who did you kill?" Gensilan asked.
"The Kliges'chee. I fired the bio-weapon. I didn't know what it would do." I said. I felt miserable. "We haven't found any survivors! No one has seen any! They're all gone and I killed them."
Gensilan held on to me as I cried. "I knew it was wrong when I did it, but I was so desperate to do something, anything!"
She rocked me gently. I kept going "and now, now. I can't seem to do anything right. I can't start to make it better. I can't start to climb out of the hole."
**You wanted to save these people.** She said
I took deep, shuddering breath and looked at it. "Yes. I wanted to save them. I want to be the kind of man who saves people, not exterminates them."
She looked into my eyes and into my soul **Who are you really?**
I looked and found I didn't know. I liked building things. I liked being an engineer. I liked being in control. I still couldn't think of myself as a Starship Captain. I didn't even feel especially comfortable thinking of myself as a Starfleet Officer.
I had to figure it out and damned quick. I wasn't a very good Starship Captain, but I had to get the Discovery home.
Gensilan started dabbing at my face with the bottom edge of her shirt. She didn't seem to notice or mind that she was flashing me. **Let's get you cleaned up and to your quarters for a bit.** She said. I could hear concern in her telepathic voice.
I nodded and stood laboriously up. I started dabbing my eyes with my sleeves.
Gensilan looked at me. **Are you entirely sure the destruction of the Kliges'chee was a bad thing?**
I felt my stomach lurch. "War is one thing, genocide is completely another."
She nodded **Yes. This is true.**
I couldn't believe I'd come apart like that. "I apologize."
She put a finger on my lips **we're friends. It's the least I can do.**
"Resume" she said with her three toned harmonic voice.
As the turbo lift began to move again, I tapped my comm badge and called the bridge. "Hailey to Bridge."
"Bridge here." Mendez said.
"Set course for Earth and engage. We can't do any good here." I said.
After a beat, Mendez said "Aye, Sir."
I cut the channel. I couldn't use the people of the planet below for my redemption. If they wanted to burn their civilization down, that belonged to them. I chewed my lip. Was there such a thing as redemption after my act? I couldn't worry about that. I had to worry about getting the Discovery home safe. After that, I could deal with my ... crimes.
Gensilan touched my shoulder **Would you like me to be your informal counselor?**
I looked at her. "Yeah. I'm not. right any more. If you could help me..."
Gensilan smiled at me. **It would be my pleasure.**
I smiled wanly. "Thank you."
-end-
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all things Trek. I claim original characters and situations in this story for me.
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